It could be with a person, friend, co-worker, or in a room full of people. It's easy to burst into anger when upset about a matter. However, after a few moments, you begin to regret the actions you took out of frustration and start doing damage control. Keep in mind you're not alone. A lot of people struggle with their temperament. So, how do you maintain your temper and remain calm in uncomfortable situations?
We'll also discuss the various forms of rage people express today and the benefits of counseling.
5 Effective Ways to Avoid Losing Your Temper According to Science
Understand your emotional triggers in your quiet time
Losing your temper is a normal part of life, but it doesn’t have to be an uncontrollable problem. Once you understand your emotional triggers, you become more intelligent to act instead of react.
It can be helpful to keep track of your triggers in a journal or on your phone. Write down the situations that make you uncomfortable and then think through them.
- Is it something someone said?
- Is it a particular type of behavior?
- Is it being in a particular environment?
Once you know your triggers, you can start developing strategies for managing them. For example, if you know being around certain people tends to make you angry, you can take a break and walk away before your temper gets the best of you.
Don't personalize
One of the main causes of feeling angry is taking things personally. This happens because of childhood trauma, poor self-esteem, or when we make assumptions about other people's motives and intentions. According to research, keeping calm and taking a step back to see the issue objectively will have a more positive outcome. Also, it's vital to reassess your relationship with someone if you realize they are actively attempting to hurt your feelings.
Practice deep breathing for a few moments
Deep breathing is an incredibly effective way to relieve stress when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Not only does it slow your heart rate, it also provides a powerful mental refocus and can help you respond more thoughtfully in tense situations.
When you start to feel that familiar wave of anger, try pausing for a moment and reflecting on your breathing. Taking slow breaths from your diaphragm can help release the tension and frustration building up in your body. It may not feel easy at first, but you will regain control of your emotions with some practice.
Take a timeout for a few minutes
"Timeout!" Basketball players use it as a little break to unwind and rethink their next play.
Taking a timeout allows you to gain control of your emotions before they get out of hand. Research shows that stepping away from the situation can help prevent negative outcomes.
Depending on the situation, there are several different ways to take a timeout. If you're in a public place, moving to a private area can relax your nerves. Also, you could take a walk around the block or find a quiet time in nature to clear your head. Just five minutes of being away from the situation can be enough for you to regain composure.
Focus on the solution, not the problem
Focusing on the solution helps you stay calm and keep perspective. It helps you avoid getting sucked into a pointless argument.
Try to concentrate on the most practical and efficient approach to solving the current problem. This doesn’t mean ignoring or brushing the problem aside but instead focusing your energy and time on finding an appropriate solution.
What Are the 3 Types of Anger?
There are three distinct types of anger: Aggressive, Passive, and Assertive.
- Aggressive anger is often expressed as explosive outbursts, either verbally or physically. This type of anger involves name-calling, yelling, and even physical violence.
- Passive anger is the opposite of aggressive anger. Instead of outwardly expressing anger, passive anger is often expressed more passively, such as by giving someone the silent treatment or engaging in other forms of subtle manipulation.
- Assertive anger is the most effective way to express and manage anger. It involves telling your feelings respectfully and clearly while being aware of the rights and feelings of others. Assertive anger involves talking and speaking out while still respecting the needs and wants of everyone involved.It's important to recognize which type of anger you tend to lean towards, as this will help you deal with your emotions.
Do You Need Therapy?
Consider counseling to acquire better coping strategies if you believe your anger is truly out of control, affecting your relationships and other significant aspects of your life. You can engage with a psychologist or qualified online therapist to develop various approaches for altering your thoughts and actions.
While you're there, ask about their approach to anger management when you first meet with them. Check to be sure this isn't just a strategy to "bring you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be the exact cause of your issue.
You can take this quick bipolar test to check if you have bipolar disorder.
Conclusion
Don't have unrealistic expectations. Learning how to control your emotions and stopping yourself from erupting like a volcano takes practice and patience. It can be helpful to understand what triggers your outbursts, so you can take steps to prevent them from happening in the first place.
Try not to personalize everything and find the solution rather than nitpick the problem. Relax your breathing to maintain composure and step away if needed to give yourself time to cool down.
By following these tips, you can start to gain control over your temper and become more intelligent in your approach to arguments. With enough practice, you can learn how to argue without losing your temper and find better ways of resolving conflicts.
FAQ
Why do I keep losing my temper so easily?
The answer could be that it’s a combination of factors. It could be that you haven’t taken the time to understand your triggers for anger. Alternatively, it could be that you’re not taking steps to manage your emotions or that you’re relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms. It could also be that you’re unaware of the warning signs of an impending meltdown or don’t know how to manage your emotions effectively.
How do you argue without losing your temper?
Arguing without losing your temper is no easy feat, but it can be done. First, realize when you’re feeling heated and take a few moments to pause and collect yourself. Take some deep breaths and try to remember that the other person isn’t attacking you—they just have a different opinion or perspective. Once you’ve taken some time to cool down, focus on communicating your points in a logical, respectful way. Ask questions if you need clarification, and be mindful of how you phrase things—try to avoid inflammatory language or personal attacks.
References
- How to Identify and Manage Your Emotional Triggers
- How to Not Take Things Personally
- This Is Why Deep Breathing Makes You Feel so Chill
- Basketball Timeouts
- Resilient Individuals Use Positive Emotions to Bounce Back From Negative Emotional Experiences
- Dealing with Anger: Types of Anger
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