Self-harm is a complicated subject, and telling your parents about it can be challenging. It's never easy to have these types of conversations, but having a network of friends or family who can support you and understand what you're going through is crucial.
Here are some suggestions on how to approach telling your parents about this in a way that fosters open communication and paves the way for emotional recovery.
Prepare to talk to your parents
Choose a good time and place
Choose a moment in time when your parents or a trusted adult are likely to be at ease and available and choose a quiet location where you may speak without being interrupted.
Steer clear of moments when your parents are busy or agitated, such as getting ready for work or managing other life obligations.
Write down what you want to say
Writing down what you want to say will help you arrange your feelings and thoughts. You should mention how long you've been using self-harm as a coping mechanism, how frequently you practice the behavior, and what triggers you to hurt yourself.
You can also list your justifications for wanting to speak with your parents and any queries or worries you might have.
Practice what you want to say
Practice saying your words out loud. You can either practice by yourself or with a dependable friend or relative. If you do this, you may feel more at ease and assured during the conversation.
Plan for emotional support
You may need emotional support after the conversation, so plan for this. This can entail making a helpline call, speaking with a friend, or scheduling a therapy session.
Consider involving a third party
If speaking with your parents alone makes you uncomfortable, consider contacting a dependable outsider, like a school counselor or family therapist.
As you and your parents talk, they may offer support and assist you in overcoming any difficulties that may come up.
Have the conversation
Start with a statement
To start the conversation, tell your parents you need to talk to them about something important. This can establish the conversation's tone and prepare them for what's to come.
Use "I" statements
When talking to your parents, try to use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. This can help you express your feelings without blaming or accusing your parents. For example, you might say, "I've been struggling with self-harm, and I need help," instead of, "You don't understand what I'm going through."
Be honest and open
Being upfront and honest with your parents about your self-harming is of course crucial. How long have you been self-harming, what it is, and how it makes you feel should all be explained.
Be patient and understanding
Your parents may have a range of reactions and emotions to the news that you are self-harming. That is perfectly normal. They may be shocked, afraid, angry, or sad. It's essential to be patient, understand their responses, and give them time to process the information.
Try to answer their questions honestly, take hard time, and be open to hearing their concerns.
Be prepared for a range of reactions
The news that you are self-harming may cause your parents to respond in various ways. They can be alarmed, angry, or depressed. It's crucial to provide them time to comprehend the information and to react with patience, calm, and understanding.
When responding to their inquiries, do your best to be truthful, helpful and receptive to their worries.
What happens next?
Seek professional help
Self-harm is a significant problem that can adversely affect one's physical and mental health. The first step in receiving the required support is to seek professional assistance. Think about conversing with a mental health expert therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist.
Create a safety plan
It's crucial to make a safety plan that specifies what you'll do when you experience the urge to injure yourself. This plan might include strategies for distracting hurting yourself, reaching out for support, or engaging in healthy coping mechanisms.
Involve your parents in your recovery process
Your parents can be an essential source of support as you work towards healing from self-harm. Consider involving them in your recovery process, such as attending therapy sessions or discussing strategies for managing triggers and stressors.
Build a support system
Your ability to recover from self-harm may depend on the strength of your support network, which should include friends, family, and mental health experts. If you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, consider contacting a support group or online community.
Practice self-care
Self-care is a crucial component of your healing from self-harm. This could involve doing things you enjoy, like creating art or music, taking care of your physical health by exercising and eating right, and practicing mindfulness or relaxation techniques.
Questions and concerns
Why are you self-harming?
Your parents might not understand why you hurt yourself. Tell them that self-harm is frequently used as a coping technique for dealing with challenging emotions or situations. Tell them that you want to get some assistance, so you can better understand and control your emotions.
Is it our fault?
Your parents may feel guilty or responsible for your self-harm behavior. Reassure them that self-harm and depression is a complicated issue frequently influenced by several factors. Tell them you are working on healing and don't hold them responsible for your self-harm.
What can we do to help?
Your parents might be curious about how they might assist you in your recovery. Let them know that their support and understanding are essential to you and that you may need their help accessing professional support or creating a safety plan.
Can we tell anyone else?
Your parents could feel overburdened and seek support from other family members or acquaintances. Discuss with them with whom you feel comfortable sharing your struggles, and with whom you prefer to keep your self-harm private.
How can we prevent this from happening again?
Your parents might be feeling curious about what they can do to help you from self-harming in the future. Discuss with them healthy coping mechanisms that you can use when you feel overwhelmed and ways that they can support you in practicing these coping strategies.
FAQ
What if my parents don't understand why I am self-harming?
Let your parents know that you don't expect them to understand everything, but explain how important it is for them to listen and be supportive. Consider talking to a therapist who can help work through the root causes of the self-harm and help your parents to understand and deal with it better.
How can I overcome my urges to self-harm?
Try to divert your attention from anxiety, to things like socializing with friends, exercising, or listening to music. You can also try deep breathing and relaxation techniques, journaling your thoughts and feelings, or finding a supportive online community.
References
- NHS: How to tell someone about self-harm
- 7 Cups: How can I tell my parents that I self-harm without them freaking out?
- Hidden Strength: How Do I Tell My Parents I Self Harm?
- Mallory Grimste: How to talk to your parents about your self-harm
- Self Harm + Therapy FAQ (ft. Julia Kristina Counselling)
- themaddiebruce: SELF HARM Q&A
- Mumsie Beaver: Reasons You Should Tell Your Parents You Self Harm/Are Depressed
- NSH: Why people self-harm
- Call Mind: Self-harm
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