If you're the child of a narcissistic mother, it might feel as though nothing you do is ever good enough. Narcissistic parents use control to manipulate, belittle and emotionally abuse their children until they feel small and worthless.
The toll this takes on kids can be devastating; lasting well into adulthood if left unaddressed. In this post we'll look at some of the common signs that point to a narcissistic personality disorder in a mother, and why they do this.
Here are ten things a narcasistic mother will do to their child and why:
- Narcissistic mothers don't understand or agree with their child's emotions. They think only of themselves.
- A narcissistic mother may want to control every aspect of their child's life to ensure that the child reflects well on them and meets their expectations.
- Narcissistic mothers use their children as an extension of themselves and want to control every aspect of their child's life. This includes what they do and how they behave. The mother does this, so people will think she is a good parent and therefore her child must meet her expectations.
- A narcissistic mother will belittle, criticize or direct hurtful words to her children to make them feel bad. She does this to feel better about herself and have power over them.
- She may use their child to make themselves look good or feel better, instead of what is best for the child.
- The mother may show more love and attention to one child while ignoring or mistreating another.
- She may not take responsibility for her own mistakes or things she is not good at. She may blame her child or other people instead.
- Narcissistic mothers may have bad relationships with their children, where a child is not allowed to live their own life or have their own identity.
- She may refuse to show love or affection to their child as a way to punish or control them.
- A narcissistic parent uses guilt or shame to control their child. The child feels responsible for the mother's feelings or needs.
A narcissistic mother will not be able to see her child as a person with his or her own feelings and needs. Instead, she might only see the child as a way to get what she wants, like admiration, control, or attention. This can affect the child's emotional and mental health, as well as their ability to form healthy relationships in the future.
The Impact of Narcissistic Mothers on Their Children
A narcissistic mother's actions can have lasting effects on her children.
Emotional Consequences
Children of narcissistic mothers often experience emotional consequences, such as:
- Low self-esteem and self-worth
- Difficulty trusting others
- Shame and guilt
- Anxiety and depression
- Fear of abandonment or rejection
- Difficulty setting boundaries
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Difficulty regulating emotions
- Anger and frustration
- Isolation and loneliness
Long-term Effects
Some long-term effects of having a narcissistic mother include:
- Difficulty forming healthy relationships
- Codependency issues
- Difficulty with self-care and self-compassion
- Difficulty with assertiveness and standing up for oneself
- Poor self-image and body image issues
- Difficulty trusting oneself and making decisions
- Difficulty with intimacy and vulnerability
- Chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom
- Difficulty with setting and maintaining boundaries
- Persistent feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment.
Signs of a Narcissistic Mother
Here are ten things a mother with narcissistic personality disorder will do to her own children, including her own daughter:
Lack of Empathy
Narcissist mothers struggle to understand or agree with their child's emotions, as they tend to focus solely on themselves.
Overbearing Control
Narcissistic traits in a mother may lead her to control every aspect of her child's life, ensuring that the child reflects well on her and meets her expectations.
Using Children as Extensions
Narcissistic mothers often use their own children as an extension of themselves, controlling their actions and behavior to maintain the appearance of a good parent.
Emotional Abuse
A narcissist mother may belittle, criticize, or use hurtful words to make her children feel bad, thus asserting power over them and boosting her excessively high self-esteem.
Exploitation
Narcissist mothers might exploit their children to make themselves look good or feel better, rather than prioritizing their child's best interests.
Favoritism
A narcissistic mother may show more love, self care and attention to one child while ignoring or mistreating another, causing tension among family members.
Shifting Blame
Narcissist mothers often avoid taking responsibility for their own mistakes, instead blaming their own children or other family members.
Lack of Emotional Support
Narcissistic mothers may have unhealthy relationships with their adult children, preventing them from living their own lives or developing their own identities.
Withholding Love and Affection
A narcissistic mother might withhold love and affection as a means to punish or control her children.
Guilt and Shame
Narcissistic mothers are known for using guilt trips and shame to control their children, making them feel responsible for their mother's feelings or needs.
Impact on the Child's Life
Children of narcissistic mothers, including their own daughters, often struggle with emotional and mental health issues, as well as difficulties in forming healthy relationships in the future.
Examples of things narcissistic mothers say
- "I sacrificed so much for you, and this is how you repay me?"
- "You're so selfish, always thinking about yourself."
- "I don't know where I went wrong raising you."
- "Why can't you be more like your sibling?"
- "You should be grateful for everything I've done for you."
- "You'll never amount to anything."
- "No one else will ever love you the way I do."
- "You're so oversensitive; you need to toughen up."
- "I'm only criticizing you because I want what's best for you."
- "You're lucky to have a mother like me."
- "You always disappoint me."
- "You should be doing more to help me."
- "You owe me for all I've done for you."
- "I can't believe you would treat your own mother this way."
- "You're just like your father."
Tips for Coping with a Narcissistic Mother
Dealing with a narcissistic mother can be challenging, but there are ways to cope and protect yourself.
Establish Boundaries
- Limit contact when necessary
- Set clear boundaries for communication and behavior
- Stick to your boundaries, even when they are tested
Seek Support
- Reach out to friends, family, or support groups
- Share your experiences and learn from others in similar situations
- Consider professional help, such as therapy or counseling
Practice Self-Care
- Prioritize your emotional well-being
- Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation
- Develop healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with stress
Conclusion
It’s quite clear that narcissistic mothers can be damaging to their children or anyone in their lives. Their emotional manipulation, criticism, and expectations can cause long-lasting damage.
If you’ve been dealing with a narcissistic mother, it’s important to set boundaries, seek out support from a healthy network who have your authentic interest at heart, and look for ways to help you heal. Ultimately, sometimes the best course of action may be online therapy – giving you access to help from the comfort of your own home.
FAQ
What is the best way to handle narcissistic abuse from your mother?
Set strong boundaries and assert yourself. It is important that you remain firm in expressing yourself and not give in to her demands, even if it means going against her wishes. If possible, try to have conversations with her about the behavior in a kind but direct manner.
What damage does a mother's narcissism have on their daughter?
From a very young age, the daughter of a narcissisis can experience feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, difficulty forming relationships with others, and difficulty in expressing their own needs. It can also cause intense emotional pain due to the lack of validation or approval from the mother. Additionally, it can lead to a feeling of helplessness as they are unable to control their mother’s behavior or the resulting emotional fallout.
How do you know if you have a narcissistic mother?
Common signs include an inability to take responsibility for her own actions, a need to be the center of attention, a lack of empathy, gaslighting and manipulation tactics, and an unwillingness to admit mistakes. She may also expect you to meet her needs without considering your own.
References
- PCI Collage: Parental Narcissism
- Research Gate: The Traumatic Effects of Narcissistic Parenting on a Sensitive Child: A Case Analysis
- Reddit: r/raisedbynarcissists
- Rustic Table: Will Ever Good Enough Narcissistic (PDF)
https://bit.ly/3mvA3wI
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